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A girl called hope by `ost2life:iconost2life:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Rhymes


Once upon a sixpence,
On a hillside in the night,
A man watched over town,
In his hand he held a light.

Like the million lain before Him,
It was a little spark,
But the beauty that it shone,
Lit up his darkened heart.

The light he held was small,
But stood against the wind,
The rain couldn’t even dampen it,
When it was soaked to the skin.

The light he held was called Hope.
She loved him for his soul,
Without him she was nothing,
Together they were whole,

So once upon a sixpence,
On a hillside in the night,
A girl called Hope watched,
This man hold her light.
©2003-2009 `ost2life
:iconost2life:

Author's Comments

my own little nursery rhyme, no one learns any lessons or gets splattered and failed by all the kings men. they just sit upon their sixpence and watch.

I like doing full circle things like this, they make me feel warm.

P.S. I know it's cheesy but dammit I'm in a cheesy mood.

Comments


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:iconbastetkitty:
~bastetkitty May 23, 2003, 7:18:57 AM
wow, great piece :) (Smile)
yeah, this works well as a full circle piece, love the imagery, and well, yeah
+ fav :) (Smile)

--
I am a meat popsicle.
:icontiinart:
~tiinart May 23, 2003, 7:19:29 AM
Nice I liked it!

TinCat
§=0)


--
It's not the time passing that will grant us knowledge and wisdom .
It's how we use the time that will.




§=0)
TIINArt
:iconmkx:
~mkx May 23, 2003, 8:38:08 AM
holy crap..ok, that one gave me nice little chills.. not much does that..very nice...

--
you probably shouldn't have read that, it may have offended you.

i blame society.

buy the 2004 mta&d calendar! [link]
:iconprevail:
~prevail May 23, 2003, 8:47:27 AM
It's concise.

By the way:

Like the million lain before Him,
It was a little spark


Is that a reference to God? Just curious how you capitalized Him.

I like this piece ... it takes a simple concept and breathes life and meaning into it. I love the metaphor, it's great! One comment I would make is that it's very lyrical in its lilt ... the rhythm is nice and flowing for the most part, except for in one or two places, like:

A girl called Hope watched,
This man hold her light.

It sort of stutters there. Otherwise, it's nice. My tastes are pretty eclectic but this one grabbed me.

Well done.














:iconsir-dudde:
~sir-dudde May 23, 2003, 8:40:53 PM
right, that last part seemed to throw off the rhythm that I was reading in, but it seemed a nice touch nonetheless^_^

nicely done ost;) (Wink)

--
(insert signature here)
:iconami-pai:
~ami-pai May 24, 2003, 6:56:24 AM
That's very beautiful, I liked the ending especially. Really ncie piece.

--
Part of:

:iconlivingpoetsociety:
:iconfusionx:
=fusionx May 24, 2003, 4:45:39 PM
this would have to be one the best pieces of yours i have read, so much depth and meaning, a beautiful piece indeed

--
Visit [link]
:iconhalfliquid:
`halfliquid May 29, 2003, 9:37:54 AM
Excellent rhymes, my friend! And it really flows rather smoothly -- most of the time for poems with this ABCB DBEB FBGB style (box, I'm not good at rhyming terminology) ... I have to slow down and restep some sentences to see if it actually did ryhme ... glad to say that it wasn't the case here.

:) (Smile)

--
:halfliquid:
:iconpachunka:
$pachunka May 30, 2003, 5:10:41 PM
Dude, this reminds me freakishly of m'first ever poem.. g'ack. :) (Smile)

Y'all're good at this rhymin' yoke- you should try the thing; [link] ;) (Wink)
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